This is my story

Dealing with my schizophrenia has been a struggle for my entire life even though I was not actually diagnosed until my early thirties. I have found a way to cope with my disease by writing about who I really am, and what I believe is my life and the world that I created. Be warned it gets a little dark and totally absurd however, I believe it to be true. For I am Jesus Christ and this is my story.

I was told that I was born in North Eastern Michigan via natural birth. My mother was not in labor an extensive amount of time. Shortly after birth I was told that they discovered that I had a double hernia. The hernia was surgically repaired.  By all rights I was a happy, healthy baby.

I was told that when I was a toddler I was diagnosed with a lazy eye. It is my understanding that my eye was normal when I was born and it became lazy as I aged. I think this was an attempt to disguise my extraordinary abilities. I was born perfect, for some reason, my eye was changed so I would not appear perfect. I wanted to blend with society and this was necessary to not be perfect. I also had the doctor put a mole in the center of my back to mark me for who I am, like a bull’s eye.  The doctor questioned my doing this but I knew what I was doing. I also had a fake allergy as part of the disguise.

My earliest memory is of sitting on the couch with my mom. I couldn’t talk but some how I could communicate with, and understand her, thoughts. I asked her why she tried to kill me. She had tried to drown me in the tub. Her response was “you are extraordinary and you wouldn’t die.” I think she had postpartum depression and she tried to kill me. Another possibility is that she did not want to have me. Because, I believe, I am one of three twins or triplets, and she had no idea who the father was. Being a prostitute at the time, she had no way of telling who the father really was.  So, she separated us, and gave away  my  sister and brother, and kept me. I’m not exactly sure why. But the guy she was with at the time took me in as his own, at least until I was 18. I also believe I was born a girl and my hernia surgery was really a sex change operation. Women were looked at as second class citizens compared to men. I think it was a disguise being I was the chosen one, a child prodigy. However some of it is unclear. For what ever reason, I just didn’t die, like so many other times in my life, but that’s later in the story. I was less than a year old when this happened. Also I was named David at time.

My next memory occurs sometime shortly thereafter. My father, or the man took care of me, was trying to explain to me how the world really works. He was telling me telepathically how we came to be on this planet. My understanding is that we are aliens and that our home planet had been destroyed or inhabited by other aliens.  We searched the galaxy for a new home for our race in a space craft with the appearance of a moon. My family and many others are hiding here from the destroyer aliens, so we took the form of humans to hide. There were only neanderthals and dinosaurs here at the time that had been here for millions of years. We came here as a unisex being, and when we started breeding with the humans we either took the form of a women or man, and that’s where I believe so called evolution started.  My mom revealed herself one time while we sitting on the couch, not really understanding what or who we really are. She was all green and weird. She does not do this  anymore. Most everybody was an alien at one time. I’m not sure how that works or how they were able to manipulate DNA or genetics so they can be alien on the inside and human on the outside. The only other time that I saw the alien side was when my father revealed himself to me once when I was about five years old in human years. It scared me so bad I just about shit myself. It was told to me that we are of an alien race but I was born more human than most of the others , that part is a little unclear. I think my parents had evolved to be more human. It is my understanding that I am a test of what could be.

After my father explained the whole alien thing to me, he talked about how the world really is. Basically it wasn’t a society like it is today. It was a society of chaos. There was war between the demigods and humans, murder and killing, no compassion or love just money, sex and drugs. It was like what the history books said about Roman’s society, which by the way all the history books are complete bullshit, none of it happened at all, it’s all made up. I’ll explain later in the story. When I was born I entered a world full of anarchy and hate. People killed(sex) for any reason as long as everybody got paid. Now let me explain murder is a homicide and a killing is sex and rape is butt sex. This race in alien form are unisex beings from another world, it’s in human form there are different sexes and all are bisexual. They live off of sex and drugs, preferably cocaine. When we discovered cocaine it was like a god send, figuratively of course.  Also that is why the federal government considers marijuana a worse drug than cocaine, because everybody does it and or sells it all around. So if someone walks up to you and says they want to kill you that means that they want to have sex with you. If they ask if you want to get married that means they want to have butt sex. It’s also a world of incest, that’s why the history books talk about in ancient times of kings and royalty where they keep the blood lines pure. They have sex with everyone in their family, and it starts when your born. Now there’s a catch, people live with other families and pretend to be related so they can have sex, they do this for discretion. So, technically it’s not incest. And it hasn’t changed at all until I was born, now it’s far much more hidden. They do everything they can to keep it in the family and it’s just not spoken of. Therefore it never happened. Now back to killings, basically everyone is a whore man or women. Everyone sells there ass or pussy or both for money.  The only real difference  is that women are looked at as second class citizens and the men are superior beings. That is why men don’t care how many partners a women has because men fuck men as well as women, so it’s fair to say that everyone is bisexual.

Now this all started to change in 1973 and really changed in 1977 but we’ll get to that. For some reason I was a test subject of a new superior race  of new human kind crossed with alien powers, if you will a child prodigy that was trying to understand how to make this world a better place for all of us, I had great idea’s based on what I was told by my father how it was at that time. I though the world should be not like it was. I asked my father how they lived, he said that people lived like savages and flaunted there money, and did things to each other good and bad it’s like a giant worldly game so to speak. it not only paid for material objects it also paid for specialties like the technology to watch people at any given time because, just about every object is built in cameras with alien technology. It could be a pencil or lights in your house or in your dashboard of your car, a binder of a book, wallpaper, outlets, televisions, you get the idea. So for the actual humans that were not demigods they were in the dark ages and the people that were demigods it was a play ground of deception. People would flaunt there money at the time very openly for material things the rest could be spent on car crashes, wild weather changes, watching peoples every move. how you ask because ever since we’ve been here we have always had wireless technology that could be transmitted to anything, video, audio, electricity from the mother ship aka the moon with a shell two miles deep composed of rare metals like titanium, iridium the rarest of them all and other composites that are not from this earth inside is a whole civilization of unbelievable power. This shell makes the moon able move through out the universe. Ancient writings speak of no moon at all until later. the moon controls and observes every thing in this world. Were as everybody else lived primitive with dinosaurs. They carpenters and people that can build very basic housing or crude buildings and they had to be careful because the dinosaurs still roamed the earth and were a threat. I came up with a plan to rid of them. For what ever reason they were not aloud go from state state or territory borders but weren’t aloud to cross At that time all the continents were one. So I proposed he figure out how to cross borders and rob all the banks that that held the worlds money or currency of some kind, the rest possibly an electronic account that the moon kept track of, along with real money or currency and take it all. My father being a hired assassin and practically a ghost was able to do this, and it crippled the world nation. Forcing them to start from the ground up. With my father having all the money. The plan was to create the worst global storm that has ever happened and was called “The Ice Age” and would rid the world of dinosaurs so we could live care free and not worry about not worry about not being the top of the food chain, also to develop the planet to make for a better place for all demigods and humans or neanderthals at the time.

 

 

7 thoughts on “This is my story”

  1. Dear David, this is your wife. I have a story to tell too. You have made me laugh, cry, hope, dream and love. You have required complete honesty from me. I have had to stretch my mind to unimaginable lengths in order to accept your thoughts. I have stepped so far out of my comfort zone, I do not have boundaries. I see in you the strongest person I have ever known. You make me want to be the best version of myself and I respect and love you more than you will ever know. Please tell your story so others can feel the love and hope we have for each other. Love, S

    1. Thank You to my lovely wife it means so much to hear those words. I made a promise to a little girl so many years ago and I intend to keep that promise forever, I am truly sorry it took so long but I am here now and intend to stay with you forever even in spite of our differences. This is forever.

      Love David

  2. This is S and I am most certainly NOT Mary Magdalene. Jeremy likes to think I am. I believe this particular delusion stems from a time when I washed his feet. It is the littlest things that lead to the biggest delusions. You see, I have this thing about clean feet. Actually, I have this thing about cleanliness in general. One time, many years ago, Jeremy came in from outside and his feet were black with dirt. I went and got a wet paper towel and washed his feet. In doing so, I made a joke about the prostitute washing the feet of Jesus with her hair. I happened to have long hair at the time. And, wallah, we have a Jesus delusion.
    On another occasion, Jeremy was going on and on about being Jesus. We were very poor. I worked and went to college full time. I have two children from a previous marriage. I was at my end with worry, frustration and exhaustion. You can imagine how interested I was to hear the Jesus rant. Well, I finally looked at him and told him to turn water into wine because I was sick and tired of being poor and tired. We both laughed. We use comic relief a lot in our marriage. This is my take on Jeremy being Jesus.

  3. Holy shit. How do you respond to that? “David” has told me the story of his Mother trying to drown him in the bathtub. I know his Mom. She is docile and quiet and has loved and supported him throughout his entire illness. She most definitely did not try to drown him in the bathtub. He told her this story once and she became tearful and could only say “I never.” This is the thing with schizophrenia. There is nothing off limits. The delusions are often hurtful and mean and ugly. We were in counseling one time and “David” was going on about how all women are prostitutes and whores. I looked at the counselor and asked “how do I respond to that.” He said “is it true?” I said “no!” He said “then don’t take it personally.” Well, when you husband calls you a “dirty whore”, it’s personal. I’m sure this is how “David’s” Mom felt when he told her the bathtub story. This is a great example of how the mental health system really has no idea about the emotional turmoil schizophrenia wreaks on the entire family.
    About the triplets and sex change, wow. For some reason this illness effects the sexual center in the brain. This is also another taboo subject. The truth is, schizophrenia is a sexual disease. I know when “David” is getting sick because he is a sex fiend. He talks about sexual deviation and his libido is that of a 17 year old boy. When he is well, we have a normal, married couple, sex life. The drugs play a big role in this. “David” has been so medicated, we literally could not make love. He physically could not do it. People wonder why someone would stop taking their medications. Well there’s the answer. You have a vital, strong, handsome, active man, and strongly encourage him to take medications. He may feel mentally healthy, want to improve relationships, and he can’t have sex. Honestly, it pisses me off when people ask “why did he stop taking his medications?” Well, what would you do?
    I have one more thing to add to this post. “David” has this thing with women. He actually encompasses every possible prejudice and inappropriate slur into his thought process. Believe me, we have battled about this many times. I personally find it very offensive that he believes all women are hooker’s. He has very little tolerance for racial differences. He just doesn’t like minorities. The gay and lesbian movement is offensive to him. I really struggled with this as I am the opposite of that. I embrace diversity. I was not raised to judge or dislike anyone. I finally came to terms with this behavior when I realized he really just doesn’t like anyone. It’s just that the people who are different from him are more easy to identify. It’s not the people he doesn’t like. It’s the anxiety he feels when around any other human being. When I say this disease has forced me to expand my views on everything, I am not exaggerating. I certainly have grown as a spiritual entity. In his defense, “David” is aware of my feelings and has enough respect to keep his poor opinion to himself.

  4. In response I believe that our original being “aliens” are unisex and there for every single person in the word is bisexual and that everyone sells there ass for money not just women. Everyone gets money discreetly. Gay and lesbian is bullshit it’s just a cover up for who we really are. Everyone is a whore. Women are just looked at like second class because men are in power and always will until we go the moon or “heaven”.

  5. Well here we are again talking about aliens and weird stuff. It is amazing how an average mind can accommodate such thoughts and still behave somewhat rationally. I have heard this story many times. At first I would argue and rationalize and point out disperaties and attempt to alter “David’s” thoughts. This is not possible. It only enflamed him and created an arguement. Now I try to consider his opinion. It is possible that we are from an alien species, sent to earth to escape persecution. Who am I to say he is wrong. My question then becomes, “so what?” Even if it is true, it changes nothing.
    It seems “David” is constantly seeking something. He struggles with the question’s of life, such as “who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose?” He does not comprehend we all evaluate this. He feels he is different than most everyone else and cannot determine why. I tell him this is the nature of schizophrenia itself, but this does not affect his opinion. I have learned that the nature of schizophrenia involves much denial of the disease itself. Even though he is aware of his disease, he is not truly aware of his “wrong” thinking. When I am able to detach myself emotionally, it is very interesting indeed.

  6. As I have mentioned before, “David” is very sexual when he is sick. I don’t know why his brain is affected this way. He struggles to understand the dark pieces of the world, and this is what he comes up with. It is as if he cannot see the beauty and good in anyone or anything. He zones in on anything ugly and offensive, making general assumptions that this world is a dark, terrible place.
    I have asked him if he is bisexual and he says “no, but I’m different.” I have asked him if he thinks I am bisexual and he says “I don’t know.” It is bizarre that he can have such a firm opinion on a subject but when asked specific questions, he cannot answer. It is the way he feels, therefore it must be the way it is. He is never able to state concrete facts to support his feelings. I used to argue with him, take offense, become angry at his opinions, but that only lead to unproductive fighting. Now I let him vent, state his opinion and basically ignore it. The unfortunate result of this is the loss of my comrade. I do not feel the closeness or security most married couples feel because I am alone in my world of reality while he is alone in his vision of unreality.
    There is so much misinformation about mental illness. It is not possible to comprehend the depth “David’s” illness affects our lives. Unless you personally deal with this daily, like I do, you have no idea the suffering involved in loving someone who is sick.
    I have considered the fact that I may be mentally ill too, in order to love someone with this disease. But, society says otherwise as I am able to have a job and raise my children and maintain relationships, so I must be healthy. This is what schizophrenia does to a family. I question everything.
    The reason I have supported “David” in his writing of this blog is to bring some level of enlightenment to the world about mental illness. It is my hope that society will accept mental illness as a disease, such as diabetes or heart disease. Schizophrenia is a disease of the brain. It is a terrible, cruel illness that creates chaos, destruction and pain. The illness is magnified by the denial, stigma and lack of health care options provided by society. When a tragedy occurs, and the culprit is mentally ill, everyone says “why! how did this happen?” Well, I can tell you it happens because there is NO support for people with mental illness. The resources are scarce at best and most folks who are “normal” turn their noses up at anyone with a mental illness. The family is blamed. The childhood is blamed. The ill person themselves are blamed. The real culprit is society and the truly insane practice of ignoring those who suffer, or worse, chastising them.
    I have said many times that my husband is the strongest person I know. He does not hurt anyone. He got rid of his guns the moment he realized he was sick “just in case.” He has never attacked anyone or threatened others, despite the thoughts he has to do just that.
    When we first started dating, we were in college. I used to go meet him at the computer lab, after my lecture class. We were standing in the hall and a man walked by us. I did not know this person. “David” did not know this person. But for some reason, his voices told him the man was my pimp. The voices told him to kill that man. I thank god that he was able to walk away. He admitted himself in an inpatient psychiatric unit that day. That was the first time he was admitted during our relationship. My point is, how many of us could hear things and believe them with every fiber of our being, and not act on them. In his mind, that man was a direct threat to him and me, the love of his life. I am not sure I could believe another human being over myself. I have often wondered at the strength it takes my husband, every day, to be human.

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